Sep 23 Tue
Dating advice for young Catholic men
According to my unscientific survey, which I have confirmed with many young Catholic women, here is how you can put yourself ahead of 97 or 98 percent of the rest of the crowd. It comes down to this:
- Get a job.
- Stop depending on your parents for all your material needs. Be self reliant.
- Don’t spend all your time playing video games.
- Don’t surf for porn.
- Don’t swear every other word.
- Don’t be a weird fanatic.
- Have some skill, whether it's working out, fixing things, or something similar.
- Be interested in something other than the one thing you think you know something about.
- Be a gentleman.
That’s it. Nothing expensive. You don’t need James Bond suits or cars. Being a “player” will not interest these women. You don’t need to be a CEO. But you need to show that you have the discipline to get a job and finish a task. You need to be devoted to something other than yourself. And you need to be courageous, willing to take some risks. When people call and need help, you need to be the one who goes.
Some of those things may annoy you. “What’s wrong with video games?” Nothing necessarily. Please don’t tell me: “I know a guy who met his wife playing video games!” I do too. One guy. Someone met his wife in a coffee shop. Drinking more coffee won’t necessarily get you a wife either.
“What’s wrong with swearing? I know women who swear a lot!” Are you dating them?
“Why do I need a job? If you’re asking me that, don’t continue reading. So too, if you say, “Don’t want kids – ever!”
Please understand. You live in a culture that has largely left young men and women systematically unprepared for courtship and marriage. That’s tragic. I wish things were different. But you must play the hand you’ve been dealt.
How about prayer? Do plenty of that.
But remember, wives don’t show up on your doorstep because you put in an order with Amazon. Courting a good woman is a gift and a task. The task is to earn her trust by becoming a person worthy of that trust. That’s also the gift.
I expect some people will be annoyed by this advice. I can hear some guys complain: Don’t women need to hear some of these things and get some advice? Perhaps. But that’s not my job. I’m a guy. That is a job for a wise, older woman who can advise younger girls.
Besides, my one other piece of advice to young men would be this: Don’t try to give advice to young women, and don’t complain about them. This is like when the park ranger tells you not to poke a grizzly bear. It can serve no good purpose. And whatever might make you think it’s a good idea, it’s not.
Excerpts from Randall Smith