Sep 7 Mon
Are there limits to parents’ authority?
Problems arise when parents seek to impose their ideas on their children and decide their future for them. This happens both when it comes to choosing a career or job and when it comes to choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend.
This imposition of ideas is even more frequent when children are thinking of following a call from God to work in the service of souls. Is there any justification for this attitude on the part of parents? Doesn't it violate the freedom young people need to become personally mature?
“The decisions that determine the course of an entire life must be taken by each individual personally, with freedom, without coercion or pressure of any kind. This is not to say that the intervention of others is not usually necessary. Because these are decisive steps that affect an entire life, and because a person's happiness depends to a great extent on the decisions made, it is clear that they should be taken calmly, without precipitation. They should be particularly responsible and prudent decisions."
“A part of prudence consists precisely in seeking advice. It would be presumption — for which we usually pay dearly — to think that we can decide alone, without the grace of God and without the love and guidance of other people, and especially of our parents."
“Parents can, and should, be a great help to their children. They can open new horizons for them, share their experiences and make them reflect, so they do not allow themselves to be carried away by passing emotional experiences. They can offer them a realistic scale of values."
“Sometimes they can help with personal advice; on other occasions they should encourage their children to seek other suitable people such as a loyal and sincere friend, a learned and holy priest or an expert in career guidance."
“Advice does not take away freedom. It gives elements on which to judge and thus enlarges the possibilities of choice and ensures that decisions are not taken based on irrational factors. After hearing the opinions of others and considering everything, there comes a moment in which a choice has to be made, and then no one has the right to force a young person's freedom."
“Parents have to be on guard against the temptation of wanting to project themselves unduly on their children or of molding them according to their own preferences. They should respect their individual, God-given inclinations and aptitudes. If their love is true, this is easy enough."
“Even in the extreme case, when a young person takes a decision that the parents have good reason to consider mistaken and when they think it will lead to future unhappiness, the answer lies not in force, but in understanding. Very often it consists in knowing how to stand by their child to help him overcome the difficulties and, if necessary, draw all the benefit possible from an unfortunate situation."
“After giving their advice and suggestions, parents who sincerely love and seek the good of their children should step tactfully into the background so that nothing can stand in the way of the great gift of freedom that makes man capable of loving and serving God. They should remember that God himself has wanted to be loved and served with freedom and He always respects our personal decisions." St. Josemaría